I. Love. Kiev. Update #1

370 days ago, I signed a contract with a school in Moscow, Russia.

136 days ago, I finally went to Russia.

106 days ago, I came back from Russia without any definite answers.

58 days ago, I was overwhelmed with frustration and anxiety over my lack of control over my Russian passport.

42 days ago, I was put into contact with 5 different international schools who needed a teacher to come ASAP to fill a position.

33 days ago, I said goodbye to the United States and flew to Kiev, Ukraine.

I have been in Kiev for 33 days! Looking back at all of those numbers, my heart and head couldn’t imagine the transitions and the waiting involved. Every minute was worth it. 

I’m a teacher! I have eight students who never seem to stop amazing me with their questions and insights. It isn’t a walk in the park but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I live with two other girls who are awesome! It’s so fun to have their company. The school is only a 15 minute walk away from our apartment and although it can be cold, I absolutely enjoy it. My class is currently learning about fractions in math, the western expansion in history, and space in science. We just started our Bible unit on Daniel and they LOVE acting out the stories. I had a great time celebrating Valentine’s day with my favorite Valentines!!

“Faithful Love, Not Sacrifice”

Happy New Year! It’s hard to believe that it is once again a start to a new year. I am sorry that you have not heard from me recently as I have been waiting for good news to share. The paperwork that I need from Russia which would allow me to either get a work visa or my Russian passport reissued has not come and does not show any signs of coming any time soon due to the current conflict between America and Russia. This is not the news that I dreamed of sharing at this time of year. The process for these papers began in February of 2016 and included two trips to Washington D.C., and a 30-day trip to Russia. There are currently two lawyers who are working on my behalf in Moscow and my birth city, Krasnodar. They are both optimistic, but I have realized that I cannot continue to put my life on “hold” and simply wait for news.

While I was in Russia, I was able to travel to my birth city, Krasnodar, to search for legal documents that only I could access. I was also able to spend a large amount of time teaching my students at Hinkson Christian Academy! The 4th grade class has 5 boys and 4 girls who are all incredibly smart and competitive.  Words can’t describe the feeling I experienced when finally teaching these students! There was never a dull moment as I found myself sometimes using American slang that they did not understand. This, of course, would lead to a lengthy discussion of various examples of how to use a term or phrase appropriately.  The Russian that I did learn while in Russia was taught to me by my own students, who loved informing me of the Russian word for just about anything.

Although I want more than anything to get back to my class, I have done all that I can.  I am now searching for a teaching job for this spring in the U.S.  I have applied to many schools around the Fremont, Michigan area and will continue to search.  In a few weeks, I will be taking the Michigan State Teaching Certification Test for elementary education. Please pray that I prepare well and pass the test. This will open up many more opportunities for me here in Michigan.

In closing, I wanted to share with you something that God has placed heavy on my heart. I do most of my devotions through an app called “She Reads Truth.” It is an application on my phone that allows me to pick a book of the Bible to read through with an included short Bible Study.  Out of twenty or thirty choices, I recently picked the book of Hosea to read through. As I was thinking of what to write in this letter, I began to feel anxious. I started to think that my life was boring or that I was not really serving God because I wasn’t in Russia teaching. All these thoughts were overwhelming me but at that moment, my phone reminded me that it was “Time to Read Truth!”  I wasn’t in the mood to read but opened it up and started.

The study for the day was on Hosea 6 and titled “Faithful Love, Not Sacrifice.”  The big question of the devotional was, “Can we be faithful to God in the ordinary, or do we have to do ‘big things’ for God for our faith to be legitimate?”  I was so caught up in my thoughts of “I’m not doing big things! I’m sitting around in Fremont, Michigan, instead of serving God in a different country. I’m surrounded by family and am not experiencing anything hard like I would in Russia!” God knew these thoughts and reminded me through His word by saying, “For I desire faithful love and not sacrifice.” (Hosea 6:6)

I find sacrifices easier than quiet faithfulness. It’s easier for me to dream of living in a different country than to actually live a quiet, largely unknown, completely unflashy, but faithful life. God doesn’t ask me to make a big sacrifice, but instead to be loyal and faithful even when it doesn’t make for the greatest update blogpost.  I serve a God who is in control of my papers in Russia. He isn’t surprised or disappointed that I am not in Moscow. He seeks my faithfulness. That faithfulness may lead me to Moscow, or it could lead me to the Ukraine or somewhere else, but He isn’t just interested in what I sacrifice or what I dream of sacrificing. He is really simply desiring my loyalty, faithfulness, and affection.

“Come, let us return to the Lord!”  Hosea 6:1

Lake Ann Camp: Round 2

It’s been exactly a week. A long, tedious week since the Summit University campus became nearly empty. Yet here I am, sitting in a dorm. I chose to stay and work a couple of weeks before the big summer begins for me. The biggest summer of my life.

No. I am not getting married. Nearly everyone else my age seems to be, but instead, I will be having the hardest and best summer of my life. I am a counselor at Lake Ann Camp (Lake Ann, Michigan).

I grew up going to Lake Ann every year that I was allowed too. I would count down the days, starting in January, until my Church packed our vans and drove north. Every year the week seemed to get shorter and shorter. Most camps have kids crying to go home mid way through the week but not me. I would be the child crying because I knew I would have to go home.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But Lake Ann. Lake Ann was the greatest place on earth for me. Not only did I get to play games and swim every day, I also got to hear amazing speakers talk about Jesus.  I made memories and great friends.

After my second year here at Summit U, I decided to go back and counsel. It had always been my dream. I was going to Lake Ann and getting PAID to stay there the whole summer. There was no way any other job in the world could compare. I thought it would be easy; play with kids all day and have the weekends off. Little did I know that God would changed my world.

It all started my first week. I had six junior girls in my cabin.  The first day was a dream. They had decided to call me “Awesome” because Jenna just seemed too long to say.  Nick-names were the big thing that week. But then it was time for bed.  I read the girls a bed time story and tucked everyone in.  I had just snuggled into my sleeping bag when I heard the first whimper. Then I heard another. Little did I know that junior girls tend to get homesick at night and want their counselor to sit on their beds and brush their hair for most of the night.  And that’s exactly what I did with two girls. I went to bed around 3am each night that week. There wasn’t a day to sleep in either, since the polar bear swim (in the lake at 8am) is a great experience (I, as a counselor, GOT to do it).

At the end of my first week, I had to rethink my approach to summer camp. I wasn’t a camper anymore. And I would not survive another week if I kept that mentality.  The summer consisted of many tears and laughter. Both my own and my campers.  I wouldn’t change a thing.  There were days when I told my friends that I was done. There was no way that God could use me to help the girls that were placed in my cabin. Nah. It wasn’t about what I could do, but about what God could do in each girls heart. I was just there to listen and make sure they arrived at events on time. Camp is for the camper. Not for the Jenna.

So here I go for another crazy summer.  I’m praying for hard weeks because those are the weeks when God works in my campers lives and also shapes and molds my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that I’m not prepared for this summer. I sure am glad God is.

May 31.

That’s the day my training begins. I can’t wait to update y’all on the crazy things that happen.

I Will Win

Photo Credit: Wendy Heffinger

It’s only Tuesday and I’ve already had a rough week. Two days down and I am stressed and tired. The semester is slowly ending and my homework load has quickly increased. I have softball games every other day and once in a while I get a full night of sleep. Through all my busyness, I’ve noticed something important.  On the days that I don’t know if I’m coming or going, if I choose to push my time with God until the next day or the day after that, I am overwhelmed and feel defeated.

I see the negatives and the drama. I see the endless list of what I need to get done. What I don’t see is what God has given me and how grateful I should be. I become a negative Nancy. I become selfish.

Yesterday I played in a softball game.  It was a beautiful day; a perfect day for a ball game. I even got to play center field! I played pretty well but through out the whole game, I asked myself, “Why I was playing?”  I’m obviously not playing because the team is an all star team. We’ve only won one game. I’m not playing for the girls on the team because I probably won’t see most of them again after this year. I’m not playing for my coach although he is one of the best coaches I’ve had. I’m not playing for the stats because they aren’t great and I don’t know what most of them mean. I’m not even playing because we get super awesome team gear. I could have been graduating in May and starting a new life as a teacher in a warm state!

So why am I playing? I play because God gave me a passion for softball. God gave me an athletic ability to somehow throw a ball underhand at a fast speed. God gives me joy when I snag a ball backhanded and when I lay a bunt down yet never make it to first. I play because I want to glorify God.

I get frustrated that we don’t win games, but I’ve learned an important lesson. Although the team doesn’t win, the way I act during the game is most important.  At this time, a win for me would be keeping a good attitude throughout the whole game.  To not get sassy when an umpire doesn’t call a pitch a strike (that was CLEARLY a strike). And to not burst into tears out of frustration. I don’t want to give up.

The biggest win I will have during this season is making sure I give God the time He deserves.  That requires me to give up excuses and realize that the center of my world isn’t homework or even the softball field.  Jesus is the center of my world. If I set the expectation for the girls on my team to act like Jesus then I had better show them how that looks. It’s hard. I know I fail every day. But that’s where I will not give up because of grace. I learn from the failed attempt before and notice what I did do well.  I don’t focus on what I look like but how Christ will be seen.

“Even in this moment, Christ is working everything for your good. Yesterday is a closed door, you don’t live there anymore. Say goodbye to yesterday and tell your heart to beat again.” Tell Your Heart To Beat Again – Danny Gokey

God Loves Me.

A random girl on campus (who I’m not even friends with but know of) told someone I’m friends with that I have changed a lot since last year.  And in a good way. All I thought when I heard that was “Thank You Lord.”  Change is hard. It took until early last semester to realize that I needed a change. That I was the problem, not the people around me.  I had been so focused on blaming other people and situations around me that I completely blocked God out.

In my Women Counseling Women class, Faye share a diagram with us that really hit home for me.

I was amazed at how true it was in my life.  I was all about making sure people knew I loved God. I was all about people loving me too.  If I’m being honest, I was more about people loving me than anything else. The crazy thing is that people didn’t love me. I’m pretty sure most people were annoyed at me and saw the desperate me. Desperate people are easy to spot (it usually looks like “look at me!” and “aren’t I just so funny”)  I didn’t get close to anyone because I didn’t want anyone to find out my struggle with me finding my identity in Christ.

When I decided that God’s love is greater than the love I could have for Him, (duh – that’s a no brainer) my thinking changed.  I wanted to know what He thought about my life.  I didn’t care about what Martha next door thought.  At least I cared less of what she thought (because my love language is totally words of affirmation). I slowly realized that pleasing people and just wanting everyone to love me was pointless. I don’t answer to people. Yes – there are people in authority that I answer to – but when it comes down to heart issues…it’s all going to God.  The more I study of how God loves me, the more I find myself satisfied in Him.  My friend Rachel said, “I’m satisfied,” when talking about being single at this point in her life. I agree. I am satisfied but I know that if God brought a Godly man into my life, I would be satisfied then too. Just in a different way. God is good. And oh how He loves me.

GOD LOVES ME.  And I love you. Love is a choice and I choose to love you. I choose to serve you because you are a part of my life.  I choose to love you even if I am not directly interacting with you by growing in my relationship with Jesus. I choose to have a good attitude when I serve you.  I choose to love Jesus and put Him above everything and everyone one in my life because that’s what He calls me to do.  I choose to accept God’s love for me. And I choose to show God’s love to you through what I do or don’t do.